I always say that I need to do certain things, like to do things for myself rather than pleasing others and forgetting about myself in the process. But I can never really implement such major change. Once I have constructed an image of myself in the minds of others, I find it diffcult to tear it down. I dislike change. I like continuity. I enjoy security. Change frightens me, especially when it involves me, but if I don’t change the way I think, or my perspective on life, then I will continue down this long path of mental exhaustion and collapse.
My mind is not a healthy place to be right now. I am beating myself up over something that serves no purpose because I am so AMBITIONLESS that everything seems pointless! I need to stop being so hard on myself and stop making myself make everything I do ‘perfect’, and I also need to accept change.
“I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.” I need to stand upon a desk; I need to take control of my mind and perspective and allow change to pass into my body and become a natural and happy occurrence and state of being in my mind.